There are so many “holes ” created from this sloppy little reinvention. WHY does Aunt May not remember he is Spider-Man? Civil War, the biggest Marvel event in YEARS, no longer “counts ”. WHY is Peter in the New Avengers in the first place, being the reason he joined them was ONLY to keep his family safe? Are you telling me New Avengers, the best selling Marvel ongoing comic in the last decade, didn't happen?

And it's not just the continuity that is sloppy. It's the CHARACTER disintegration. Peter Parker now has the honor of being the worst husband in the Marvel Universe. Sure, Hank Pym may have gone on a bender and slapped Jan around a couple times, but he didn't wish their love and memories out of existence, offering her very soul and life to Satan himself. To save, and here's the kicker, an EIGHTY year old woman who has been on deaths door for 20 freaking years. Is Peter Parker now such a pussy that he cannot accept life without someone who, realistically, is going to die pretty damn soon to begin with? He is willing to sacrifice his WIFE AND UNBORN CHILD to save a geriatric old womans life? Peter Parker has brought the term “Mama's Boy ” to a whole new height.

This whole thing could have been saved by a VERY VERY simple switch. Have MJ be the one shot and on deaths door instead of May. The only way to save MJ would be to make the deal with Mephisto. THEN, his act would have been heroic. This “groundbreaking” idea of mine, I had about two minutes into reading One More Day. Not that difficult of switch, and one that serves the character and story MUCH better. Instead, it's, well, one of the saddest, most myopic, pathetic actions of any character I've ever read, MUCH less from the character that got me into comics in the first place.

I never really thought you could “ruin” a character like Peter Parker. I was wrong. He turned from a character we all wanted to be to a character we were glad we weren't. Good job, Joe Q!

NOW, Brand New Day. It was GREAT! Love Love LOVED it. So much fun, and I felt like I was reading a Spidey I had not seen in years. Dan Slott did a great job, and the issue was a much needed sorbet to cleanse my One More Day palate. But, yes, it was a DAMN fine comic.

But, it brings up age old questions. Does the end justify the means? Is the destination worth more than the journey? Do the needs of the few outweigh the needs of the many? Is your unmarried Peter Parker fun worth making the CHARACTER of Peter Parker one of the most reprehensible “heroes” in comics? Guess we're on the road to finding out.

Dec. 18, 2007: “Bah Humbug!”

So, what do we have, a week left until Christmas? Well, have no fear, the Sunday crew's Holiday Book-Buying list is here!

I humbly recommend the following:
1. Crooked Little Vein by Warren Ellis. Whomever you're buying your comicky gift for, they love Warren Ellis. Pick up his first novel for hilarity and scatching social commentary.
2. Buffy the Vampire Slayer- The Long Way Home. If it's a nerd you're buying for, they love Buffy. And it's written by Joss Whedon himself!
3. Peanuts hardcovers. As I have mentioned before, Peanuts IS good. Pick up any number of the fancy yet affordable reprints we stock.
4. Jellyfist by Jhonen Vasquez. An adorable goth stocking stuffer. And did I mention he's signing here on Jan. 5th?
5. The Vice Photo Book. Full of fascinating photos of inebriated hipsters and war torn suffering. Fun!

Hunter picked out these nuggets:
1. Uncanny X-Men Omnibus 1. This is when things started getting good. A great start to any comic library.
2. DC: New Frontier Classic DC storytelling, with fantastic animated-style art by Darwyn Cooke.
3. Captain America Omnibus 1 Everybody was buzzing about the death of Cap this year, so find out why!
4. Jack Kirby Omnibus 1, 2, and 3. Jack's the king of superhero comics and proves it in these fantastically trippy New Gods reprints.
5. Y the Last Man Pick up any of the many collections of this epic apocalyptic tale, coming to a tearful end this month!

Thornton's pushing these:
1. The Lovely Mistresses of George W. Bush 2008 Calendar. This is it! The last year of an 8 year nightmare that, in 2000 we could only imagine how long and hellish our road would be. Full of the fabulous ideals GWB has courted in pin-up form, this is a final send off to the darkest period in our nation's history. The calendar even goes above and beyond, actually ending on January 20th, Bush last day in office. 13 Months of freedom on the march, kids!
2. Iron Fist: The Last Iron Fist Story. Best new superhero story of 2007. Easy.
3. Mouse Guard: Fall 1152 Hardcover. Can you make 12th century European history entertaining and fun? David Petersen did. An immensely enjoyable read.
4. Batman: Ego Hardcover. Darwyn Cook in his pre-superstar issues. Potentially the greatest artist working today, this will be a nice companion gift to your...
5. DC: New Frontier Action Figures, Wave 2. The best looking figures DC has come out with since, well, Wave 1 of this series. Timelessly classic and impeccably produced, these look great in any home.

And lastly, Davi digs into the small press with the following:
1. Dogs and Water Hardcover by Anders Nilsen. This is the beautiful hardcover edition of an earlier story that was reproduced in part in Best American Comics 2006. Goregeous. A perfect gift for a Nilsen fan, or any fan of small press comics. And a good way to support a Chicago artist.
2. The Complete Persepolis by Marjane Satarapi. An autobiographical tale of a girl growing up during the Islamic revolution in Iran. Educational and touching for young and old. Now is the time to read the whole story in this 2-in one complete volume before the animated film's release on December 28th. The film version has already gotten a ton of praise at festivals.
3. Stuck in the Middle: 17 Comics from an Unpleasant Age. An adorable anthology of comics about middle school. Edited by Ariel Schrag, who produced her own noteworthy autobiographical comics while she was in high school and wrote for Showtime's L-Word last season. A good buy for anyone who was picked on during those difficult years.
4. Whatcha Mean, What's A Zine? The Art of Making Zines and Mini-Comics. Great for kids, teens, and anyone who wants to get involved with making their own self- published zines or comics. Basic yet comprehensive.
5. Understanding Terror Coloring Book. Hilarious! And sadly informative, a great gift for your political friends and family.

So, happy holidays. I'm taking a few weeks off to celebrate, so I'll see you in the New Year!

Dec. 9, 2007: “Extreme Gross Out!”

Let's talk about these Mountain Dew, extreme, over-the-top (but not in a good Sly Stallone, arm wrestling for custody of your kid kind of way), sexy, super powered, adrenaline comics. Let's talk about “Ultimate” comics and “All-Star” comics.

I don't get them.

Now, don't get me wrong, I read them all. I can't get enough of them. I wouldn't say it's like a train wreck, but it does have a bit of a voyeuristic quality to it. These are comics that are “taking it too the limit” and, good or bad, you have to check that out, right?

Let's start with “All-Star Batman”. We're all pretty aware that Frank Miller has lost his mind by now. Is he pushing us into some incredible new “Dark Knight” future? Where Robin is routinely cussed at and made to eat rat sandwiches to survive? Who are you to question him? He's Frank Miller! He's the god-damned Batman, as he repeatedly reminds you. Or maybe he's Clint Eastwood. I haven't straightened that out yet. Frank's made it pretty obvious that, yeah, he made Dark Knight Returns, Year One, and a bunch of Hollywood Sin City money, and now, comics owes him and he's going to do exactly what he wants and you're going to pay for it. And in a way, he's right. We wait for months and months, and we still buy it, if only to peep the dockside McLovin' Batman's so smoothly dispensing to a frisky Black Canary. Did I really just write that? Gross.

And, wow! Did you check out Ultimates 3 this week? Thirty two pages of Iron Man's sex tape with the Black Widow? Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch are brother and sister AND lovers? Double gross.

See, this is what I don't get. What is an “Ultimate”? What is an “All-Star”? I thought they were originally, ground-floor, all ages reboots of characters with years and years of confusing continuity, for a younger audience, primed for super-comics, that just needed somewhere to start. One of the first comics I recommend to parents looking for something for their kids is Ultimate Spider-Man. Not Marvel Adventures Spider-Man, as most kids can tell when they are been condescended toward, but a Spidey story that doesn't insult them, that is fun, character driven, and not reliant on knowing years of back story. Oh, they like X-Men too? Nope, can't recommend Ultimate X-Men, too much sexin' and murderin' for the little ones. Ultimates 3? For kids? Also, no way. They're not quite Marvel Max titles, but they get a little closer every day.

As far as the “All-Star” DC line goes, All-Star Superman is great. Totally huge fifties superhero sci-fi by Grant Morrison, that always delivers. Not really for the little ones, though. And, again, forget about All-Star Batman for the under 15 set.

Speaking of extreme, Hunter helped inspire this week's column by totally entertaining me with this gem he found online, Rob Liefeld's 40 Worst Drawings. Hilarious!

Dec. 2, 2007: “Hey Kids, Comics! No, Really…”

So, we're friends right? We can be honest with each other and talk about what's on our minds, right? Well, check it out. There's a lot of talk about the future of comics, whether they have any, or what form of new media it might take and all that. People like to bellyache about “kids today” and how all they do is myspace all day and play video games. They say kids don't read for fun and that they certainly aren't reading comics. And if that's the case, this is it. We're the last generation of comic readers. They say the writing is on the wall and it's all over, baby blue. Enjoy it while it lasts. At least, that's what “they” say, right?

I went out for the Thanksgiving weekend to visit my nieces and nephews. They live about 6 hours away, and being the absent minded, infrequently visiting uncle that I am, I always try to make up for it with bribery. A pile of old comics is always a good start. If I worked at a shoe store, they'd get shoes. If I worked in an aquarium, they'd get fish. But I sell comics, so comics it is. I dug through a few boxes and ended up with a pile of, well, not the best comics, but they're kids, right? What do they know about “good” comics? Lots of Spider-Girl, some Nova, a bunch of reprints that came with Marvel Legends figures, and some other stuff. I was in a hurry to get on the road, and that's what was at hand.

They went nuts. It did not matter what I brought. (Though I should have tried harder. I'm a little embarrassed by the meager selection. They can totally smell hand me downs a mile away. Next time, they get the top shelf stuff. And maybe some actual Top Shelf stuff?) There were four kids, ages 5 to 16, and they tore through them. They knew who Spider-Girl was because they had checked out some of her collections from the library. In fact, they had checked out many comic paperbacks from the library. These kids have grown up with the new Spider-Man, X-Men, and Batman movies, Pixar films, cartoons, all that stuff. Two of them pulled me aside separately to ask me, very seriously, what had happened between Batman and Robin that made the Boy Wonder so mad that he quit and became Nightwing. I gave the youngest one a Spider-Man figure a few years ago, and when I saw him playing with it last weekend, I swear, this toy must go with him everywhere like Linus's blanket. Spidey's been played with so much that he's on his last wobbly leg and minus a few web-shooting fingers. These kids, they loooovve superheroes. And I don't think that they're the only ones.

Between you and me, this is what I'm saying. It's not so bleak as it might look. It's always darkest before dawn. A bird in the hand… oh, wait I've lost track…

What I'm saying is, sure comics have a lot to compete with, and it's mostly electronic, like video games and the internet. But, I think there's plenty of comics mojo out there, digitally, and otherwise, superhero as well as indie. Kids like the same stories and the same characters we did, but they just might not be exposed to it the same way as we were. So, check it out. I want comics to be around for a long time, and so do you. Let's all get together, pick out some good, good stuff, and put it in their greedy little hands. They will suck it up like oil through GW's crazy straw. It's the holidays, so what better (or cheaper) gift to give these little rugrats then comics? Check it… they will like them, they will like you, more people will read comics, people will be smarter, peace will come to the Middle East, I will win the Nobel Prize for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence, and so on and so forth. Hooray!

And all because you passed down that old Archie you were never going to read again anyway.

See, wasn't that easy? Problem solved. Crisis averted. Comics will be around forever! You're welcome.

Nov. 25, 2007: “Is Peanuts good?”

Hi there. Welcome to my new, hopefully weekly, comics column. I know, just what the world needs now, another blog, another opinion, contributing to the deafening white noise of online media, I know. But seriously, every week at the store, what do people ask us? What's good this week? What are YOU reading? Believe it or not, I've had customers ask me, “Hey, I've never read Peanuts before. Is Peanuts good?” So, that's what I'm here for. To let you know if Peanuts is good.

So, let's get to know who you're dealing with. Me. I work at Chicago Comics. I am alternately known as the “guy with the beard” or the “Russian guy” or the “mean one.” I am neither Russian nor mean, but I will admit to a luxurious beard, bequethed upon me to mark my amicable split with the food service industry many years ago. I have worked in comics for 7+ years now and read many, many more comics than any one man should. Lots of superhero stuff, a good amount of small press stuff, a few zines, as many “book books” as I can fit in, and way too many pop music magazines. I figure, I'm reading them anyway, so, why not share the love?

What can you expect from this, if I am able to keep it up? Fingers crossed, every week, you come to chicagocomics.com and we'll have a new column for you. I'm going to tell you what I liked, I'm going to tell you what wasn't so hot. No lies, no hype, no BS. It's pretty simple, right? Oh, and spoilers ahead.

Let's start this week with the big one this week, the hugely delayed, highly anticipated new League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: Black Dossier by Alan Moore. Was it worth the wait? Does it live up to the hype? The story itself at least as entertaining as the previous two volumes, following the Line of the League since its original inception back in “Ye Olden Times” pre-Wilhemina Murray, and thru the history of Europe, a mix of actual historical Europe and “literary” Europe, all the way up to the emergence of the James Bond/cold war/spy culture in the 50s. Mina Murray and Alan Quartermain are on the trail of the “Black Dossier,” a top secret history of the League up to that point. So you get two stories, the hunt for the book, and the book itself.

I really enjoyed the book, but found the format to be a little jarring sometimes. Similar to the previous volumes of the League or the pirate stories in Watchmen, the story switches between sequential comic book panels to longer prose pieces, short stories, and articles. And you can't skip that stuff, it's got important plot hidden in there. It's kinda like watching an episode of “24” and Jack's got to diffuse a nuke and the bad guys are right behind him and what's he gonna do, but wait, here's a 20 minute discourse on the history of the bomb, where did it come from, who invented it, and here's some blueprints and how it all came to be. Now back to the action. Don't get me wrong, I dig all that stuff, it's just, like I said, a little jarring.

But the unconventional format is also what makes it great. It's not really League Part 3, it's more like a biography of the League with tons of extras. Each new chapter is a different format, a “lost” Shakespeare play, Tijiuana bibles, maps, blueprints, postcards, a 3-D section. Sadly, a vinyl single record was originally to be included, but didn't make it into this version. Rumor has it, to return in a future expensive “Absolute” version. Ah well. You don't have a record player anyway.

So, yeah, put in the time, slog through the kinda boring parts, and it's totally worth it and totally fun. Thumbs up. Great. But, it's Alan Moore. You bought it already, didn't you?

See you next week, wherein I will review Thanksgiving and the tragedy that is Tofurkey. Or maybe just some more comics.

And yes, for the record, Peanuts is good.

Comments? Suggestions? Contact Seth at comicsmug@chicagocomics.com